love is bigger

Let me start by saying that this isn’t a post about yet another call to arms about how I need to lose weight.

(though, I do in fact, need to lose weight)

I had a thought while in Chicago for the STORY conference last week (a more fitting recap post coming on the conference later). As I was walking around the venue for two days I came to a harsh realization;

“I’m the fattiest fattie here.”

In a sea of some of the most trendy looking people you’ll ever see congregated in one place, there stood me… one of the most out of place looking people out of 600-ish. This fact may or may not be true, but it is certainly how I felt.

Then I started thinking… I wonder how many people are judging me unfairly? I wonder how many people take one look at me, and immediately jump to a conclusion about me. I wonder how many relationships my weight keeps me from making, because admit it or not, people tend to avoid fatties… other than polite conversation of course.

Quite honestly, it’s part of what draws me to social media. People are able to know my personality first. People can see my God-given talent in photography first. So before they even get a chance to see me (save for some serious facebook stalking), I’ve already given them some things to know about me that you don’t really get a chance to do when you meet people in person first.

I wonder how many opportunities I’ve missed out on in life because of my weight. Job opportunities even… I’d be crazy-niavé if I didn’t think that some photography clients may not want to work with me because they don’t want a beached whale moving around their event. 9-5 jobs too… I recently had a five minute interview for a job that high-schooler’s get with ease, and I can’t help but wonder if my weight played a role in it

I get by, because as mentioned before I have a God-given talent, and I am (excuse my language for a moment), damn good at what I do. And if I’m not good, I work my rear-end off (unfortunately not literally) to get damn good. It’s cliche, but my work speaks for itself. If I couldn’t take a good picture, think creatively, problem solve, collaborate, creatively connect the gospel to culture, interact with people, network, research, produce video, edit photos, or a variety of other things very well… well I’d have a lot more problems.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel as if sometimes I’m fighting an uphill battle.

Most of the people read this are my friends and acquaintances, so I of course expect a bit of resistance. I expect people to say I’m over-reacting or that these things are just in my head. But I would ask for you to honestly look inside and ask yourself if any of what I’ve said is remotely possible. I think you might surprise yourself.

• I am in Chicago for a couple days, taking photos at the very rad STORY conference (www.storychicago.com), and while I certainly enjoyed a full nights sleep last night, I already miss my little girl.
• Seriously, I was awake more than a few times last night wondering why I wasn’t hearing her stir, fatherhood plays tricks on your mind.
• Ryanne and I are starting to see that maybe Becca’s fussiness her first few weeks had a lot to do with the craziness we were putting her through. Constant stress from the move, finishing up my job, packing, people coming in and out… now that we’ve been a little more settled the last week, it seems like Becca is starting to settle into somewhat of a routine herself. This is full of win.
• I’ve spent a lot of time talking to people about how difficult the first month is. I do so because I didn’t really hear a lot of lot from people myself, and honestly I wasn’t prepared for it. I don’t blame anyone, I didn’t exactly do a lot to prepare myself, I’m just saying I think it’s time that, while we acknowledge it’s totally worth it and babies are awesome, it is also by far and away some of the most frustrating times of our lives.
• Ryanne and I are attending a two-night class on parenting infants through age five at CedarCreek.tv, put on a by Tim Butler, a marriage and family counselor that Ryanne and I already know (we saw him a few times during a particularly rough patch, and it did wonders). The first night was awesome, and we’re really looking forward to the next class.
• One of the things TIm talked about, which of course made total sense and made me wonder why I never realized it before, was that truthfully… the actual act of caring for infants isn’t difficult. You feed, you change diapers, you swaddle, you rock, you sway… that’s pretty much it. So if the caring isn’t that hard, the most important thing during this stage is actually taking care of ourselves. Because, it can be frustrating to have a baby crying all the time for what may be no particular reason. So, know when you need to take a break, and don’t be afraid to ask for it.
• He also mentioned that cardio is great… it’s as good, if not better than anti-depressants, and it’s natural.
• This made me realize I really, really need to get back on the healthy-train.
• A couple days after that class, I shot a wedding. It was a 12 hour marathon at the Toledo Zoo, which is a physically exhausting location to shoot at. My wife gave me the night off afterwords to let me sleep and recover. She is seriously awesome.
• Living with my sister and her nearly two year old daughter has been pretty neat. Bailey (my niece) is extraordinarily cute, and thus far has been a very loving big cousin to Becca.
• On an unrelated note, it is absolutely freezing in this Starbucks I’m typing this from.
• Chicago, I love you, but I miss my family.

imjustcreative:

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